No Genesis

To live is to learn how to die To forgive is to grieve
A funeral under festival lights Spirit sing to me
Of the wonder after grief
To be free is a brokenness
A slave running into wilderness
Pulled out on a river
Where I’m always and never
Pulled above time
Taking me far beyond and deep inside 

Rope to the Cosmos

Every prophet reaches acceptance
At a threshold unknown lets go of his exit
But you won’t accept the long truth
You couldn’t forgive God for what meaning would cost you

Sometimes it’s painful thrown into meaning
But pain is the painkiller when you’re teething
We’re not so numb are we?
We just don’t know how to grieve the presence of beauty

I still can’t distill it
The most important piece is the one that’s missing
I know I’m a compromised witness
To understand this I’ve got to forgive it

I still don’t know what I’m cutting to the core of
Maybe the rope to the cosmos is just braided with boredom
I’m beginning to trust myself to see
From a part that’s never been wounded in me

Maybe the ocean of enlightenment
Was just a slow release of what I could never forgive

I’ve been trying hard to find someone to blame
There’s a silence that keeps calling my name

I’m at the threshold of if to take hold of 
What I can’t be
I’m forgiving the giving up of the ground of my being 

Ask a Child

Give up already
There’s no changing how we measure time
The future is only in your mind 
Give up already on time
You’ll never have less than what is in your mind 
Self-created pain is all you have
If you kill yourself with what may never be 

It’s a needless worry
It’s a needless worry

Ask a child how to be
Ask a child how to be 

The Next Age

Who will empathize with this question
It's been 2,000 years since the resurrection
Who will meet my eyes when I talk
Of the second crucifixion of God 

A voice still cries in the wilderness
The blood of the moon
We've waiting for 2,000 years
We still cry for manna 
In the kingdom of Heaven
There's water in the desert somewhere

When could we admit that Eden is gone?
When do you build a home in Babylon?
The shadow of the apocalypse has stretched so long
Is it an issue of waiting 
Or has it all already come?

A voice still cries in the wilderness
The blood of the moon
We've waiting for 2,000 years
We still cry for manna 
In the kingdom of Heaven
There's water in the desert somewhere

I wanna see the end
Of this aquarian age
But what then?
This book always needs another page
So what if love remained the same 
In the next age
And the next age
And the next age 

Famine Under Festival Lights

I don’t want to stay here
I want this feeling to leave
I’m still learning
All the same things
Again and again
I still haven’t gone where I’ve been
Deflect; misdirect
It’s hard to get yourself to want to reorient

I’ve grown so impatient
Since I stabilized
It feels like a death to sit still
So I distract to feel alive

It stays the same
I used to sit with the tension but it never changed
It’s hard to remain
It’s hard starting famine in a field of grain

For every hand reached to heaven’s high
I’d wait my whole life for a sign
Every time I stood mystified
The purple always faded back to white 
It’ll take my whole afterlife
To learn how to abide
It’s in the waiting; I don’t know why
It’s hard starting famine under festival lights 

Lungs 

Cut me out this place
It’s not fair
I want to leave
Gasping at times 
My lungs, they tell me to breathe

Don’t want to be too morbid
Don’t want to bring you down
Like a child I say things out of place
Move on quickly don’t notice
Please don’t notice

The stress of two eyes on me
How many more might be
Is it selfish to wonder
Move on quickly don't answer
Please don’t answer

Pull my eyes pull my hair and my skin
Just limits to feel
Thank God for time
My lungs they tell me to breathe

The light of my love
Eclipses my practice of
sense; Heaven’s nudged
Me toward what I shun
I slip into the sun
Feeling for the fear I flee from
Too late to shut my ears
I’m in a world that’s called me near

I Thought I’d Escape This

I don’t even know what I thought I wanted
But I thought by now I’d have what as a kid I thought I saw in my parents 

I expected
By now every fundamental fear would fade into what I thought they fell back on

I’ve come of age
It’s the same

I don’t know how I thought I’d escape this
I don’t know what I thought was behind the curtain in the distance 

The real death
Was never in the dying – only in the resistance

But to blame
Is a hollow game 

Every Temple Curtain

My life until now
Was asking for easy ways out
Choice to run from choice that scared me
Was always still a cross to carry

I’m waiting for the big event
Waiting for the obvious
End of the story
But even that God won’t interpret for me

I may never really count the cost
I always prayed for freedom but now that I’m free I’m lost
It’s not that I can’t believe
It’s that I don’t want to grieve
I prayed for enlightenment but wasn’t prepared to weep

I’ve waited for God to vindicate me
For a faith that would save me
But Nazarites will lose their hair
Every temple curtain tears

The time has come to decide
How far I’ll go without a sign
I can’t follow into Jerusalem
Still playing dumb

I may never know that I know
In a dry and thirsty land my plea gets answered with a poem:
“World is adoration
Silence is saturation”
There’s freedom out of Egypt
But it’s straight into wilderness 

Take Me Home

Take me home
Across them wide, wide mountains
Oh time that has gone
Take me home
Return me to my sender
Take me home

I count the leaves
As they turn and as they're falling
I count the leaves
They're counting me
As I turn and as I'm falling
They're counting me

Take me home
Across them wide, wide mountains
Oh time that has gone
Take me home
Return me to my sender
Take me home

It weighs on me
And finds me in the strangest places
In seldom peace
It weighs on me
That I may ever see my brother
It weighs on me

Take me home
Across them wide, wide mountains
Oh time that has gone
Take me home
Return me to my sender
Take me home

Take me home
Across them wide, wide mountains
Oh time that has gone
Take me home
Return me to my sender
Take me home

In seldom peace
In seldom peace
In seldom peace...

Reset the Bone

I want to reset the bone, I want to be right.
But what will I do without my fear to die?
The reason I can’t sit in the silence alone
Is fear of what I might lose if I find the light 

I say I hate it
But I know I’m the one who’s keeping it here
I say I’m jaded
But I’m creating the cloud that’s creating my fear 

What do I do with these dreams
Where I push you back when you comfort me?
I know I want just to be seen
But I get so scared when you see me on the brink 

I say I hate it
But I know I’m the one who’s keeping it here
I say I’m jaded
But I’m creating the cloud that’s creating my fear 

I don’t see where to step
With my head in the clouds
But the ground is so gray
So I put my pain on the shelf
At a Catch-22 I keep a secret from myself

Curling Into Crescent 

All of my old friends are drifting away
What you leave to the wind finds a way to fade
You may not know what to do
But choosing not to choose
Doesn’t stop the change 

Sometimes I get so afraid
Of losing my faith
As if my grip would slip
As if the truth’s only true
If I believe in it 

I’m curling into crescent
I can’t crystallize time 

When I start feeling the dimming light
I think of my mother singing Silent Night
As I fall asleep
Hoping not to dream
That I’m underneath the waves 

I’m curling into crescent
I can’t crystallize time

Sweating Blood

I wasn’t trying to be difficult
When I collapsed on the floor and couldn’t get up
I don’t know if I can bear this cup
I don’t know how long I can keep sweating blood
I’m getting tired
Of being old for my age
The light burns like a fire
When I’m up on this stage. 

Why do so many girls seem to asking
If I’m willing to commit suicide for my family?
As if it’s not love if I can’t pay the price
As if I’m not like Christ if I don’t hate my life
What if I’m real?
What if it’s not a pull?
What if I’m not a steal?
What if I’m hatable? 

How could I dare to write a poem
If I can’t pay the mortgage on my home?
How could be concerned about my soul
If I’m not filling the masculine role?
“Honey, making art?
Honey, how could you sleep?
Your behaving like a child
With children to feed.” 

Why is no one impressed
Until I turn around with my paycheck
Until I pay my bills
and can afford
To not need anyone else anymore
Do you even care
If I die inside
Or do you just want
A responsible family man’s respectable life? 

I always wanted to be like Christ
But I can’t live my life on the firing line

I always wanted a family to feed
But I’m not gonna burn my poetry

I always wanted a wife to adore
But I won’t die up on this white horse

I won’t give up the ghost
I won’t abort my unborn soul

Being Born

To feel a frigid air hit my lungs
To lose my mother’s care all at once
To cry’s the only way to open my lungs
No one asked me if I was ready for the plunge

The light is a little too bright for my eyes
And I shut my lid so tight
Is sight really on the other side?

I’m being born
Cutting the cord.
The world is so cold;
The womb was so warm

I’m being born
Torn from the shore
The tide is so much higher
than before

I’m being born
Poured into the sea
I’m in the belly of a whale
I’m waking from a dream
The dam it breaks so fast
Before I am off of my knees 

Just look at me one minute
As though you really saw me
For just a moment we’re all together
For just a moment we’re all happy.

I see you in the sundress
I hear you in the trees
You’re in the air that I breathe, I take you when I leave
I cry you when I weep; I dream you when I sleep

Naked On a Pinnacle

I really didn’t mean
For it to fall apart
I tried not to tell the truth
But I couldn’t play the part

I really didn’t mean
For it to end like it did
I was full of good intentions
But I was losing my shit 

Still I wait to wait to let you in
I’m naked on a pinnacle in the wind
I tremble, I hide
For my catcher in the rye
I'm sick of running toward that cliff
I'm tired of trying not to cry
I'm scared; I try
To find my reasons why
I feel compelled to look away
When I get a tear in my eye 

When will I be old?
When will I be sober?
Have much disappointment do I need
Before I trust what I think I see?

Have I been heartbroken enough
To know when love is really love?
Have I doubted myself enough
To call my own bluff?

 Still I wait to try my hand
I’m still a critic in the stands
I feel I'm ready, but I don't know
If I'm bulletproof enough for the blow
I'm tired of the taste
Of cynic's spit in my mouth
There's never enough dopamine in a day
To know exactly how I'll make it out
I tell myself that I'll leave today
Tomorrow I'll figure out how

Unfinished Love

I'm living in unfinished love
In an unfinished world
I've been waiting on some certainty
To make my decisions for me

I'm feeling uncompleted grace
A room-temperature flame
A quiet murmur in the night
A sky polluted by the light 

I caught a glimpse in some sacred dream
But the images escape me in my waking
I have a memory of a mother tongue
That I I've forgotten how to speak
A form too deep beneath the sea 

It's all so uncontained
The paint's running off the frame
My deep convictions can't be proved
But deep magenta has me moved

A mystery you suddenly see
But quickly blurs
You call and hear an answer
But it's a slur 

I caught a glimpse in some sacred dream
But the images escape me in my waking
I have a memory of a mother tongue
That I I've forgotten how to speak
A form too deep beneath the sea 

Why would I want to go to heaven if
there’s nothing there left to give?
I would rather be forgiven than to live in
a perfect world

Why would I want to finish the feeling
of human caring – that is to live?

Hound of Heaven

We go to sleep
Without a dream
We blur the line
Between living and dying

We take a sacrament and make it horny
We’re in the wedding, but we’re the bachelor party
We’re laughing about a speechless thing
We close our eyes to relieve the sting 

But I can’t keep hiding
From the hound of heaven
I lost my head when
You saw the look on my face
Of true heartbreak
And your eyes glazed over
I was asking myself
If the world recovers 

We’re reality TV; museums of wax
We give a shape to shit and we call it craft
I feel lonely in my doubt that ignorance is bliss
I’ve been killing conversations talking about groundlessness

We’re white-washed tombs, but we’re good at distracting
Ourselves from the show we insist to act in
I’ve been using a smile to conceal
The fear of feeling what no one else feels 

But I can’t keep hiding
From the hound of heaven
I lost my head when
You saw the look on my face
Of true heartbreak
And your eyes glazed over
I was asking myself
If the world recovers

Incessant Something

There’s so much time
For the quiet
There’s so much time
To let the moment die

There’s so much time
To recognize
I’ve lost so much time
That I tried to petrify

There’s so much time
To be still
But I spend my moment spoken
To keep from feeling unfulfilled

There’s so much time
To let you see
The bruisable parts of me
How unindifferent I really feel 

The moment of my peace
Is never complete
But hummingly resigned
Non distinct in a chorus with other minds

The question never quits
The answer never ends
A star dies overnight
To recollect in a million lifetimes

There’s so much time for the quiet
But I find a sea inside my peace of mind
I hear the humming
Of that incessant something
Do we ever realize life while we live it?
Every minute to be alive;
To spend and waste time

Reanimation

My end and my essence
What when the light leaves my eyes?
What of me without my pain?
What does it mean to reanimate?
Can a painting exist without its paint?

Me and meanness
I go as long as I can before I submit
To the truth that I know
but won’t admit
Though I try I can’t escape
The allegory of a cave 

Will some book ever close?
And reach the last refrain
Where I wax and wane
Or remain the same;
Return to the ocean; fan into flame 

I may be
Just a bitch in heat
But I’ll spend my blood
On a baby not yet there
In hope I can conceive 

Will some book ever close?
And reach the last refrain
Where I wax and wane
Or remain the same
Return to the ocean; fan into flame 

The wild thyme unseen
The opaque unease
If to be warmed, I must freeze
In my end is my beginning
Reanimation’s the death of me
Not lost, but requiring

Landlocked Conch Shell

I don’t know why I believe
That the world without a man
Would still have the look
Of being looked at 

If all the ground is flesh
And ocean is your blood
I always knew you
But I don’t think I understood 

I’m a landlocked conch shell
Carrying the sound of the waves,
I hear the ocean in myself
But I can’t reach the place
That always led me on
For proof of the dawn
I could never find during the night 

I die to find your face
I try to defy your grace
The higher the climb
The higher the ledge
The more I give
The sweeter the death 

What if I told you
The same Lazarus
Christ resurrected
Had died again?
Would being here at all
Be all you needed all along
Or would you still require
Some greater miracle? 

So now I know the price of love:
A descending dove
That always leads to a death
To reveal life to live
But brings me back to the thought
Of if I’ll be caught when I fall
Of if my wonder outweighs
My desire to escape my pain 

I die to find your face
I try to defy your grace
The higher the climb
The higher the ledge
The more I give
The sweeter the death

Everything Still Waits for Me

Everything still waits for me
To let it sail upon the sea
To let it grow all it’s weeds

I’m out too deep in the stream
And lose myself irretrievably
In the mouth of God when he’s swallowing

The sun will set on my needs
And leave me here instead to seek
To hear a song in a fever dream
The death of God will set me free
To finally find out what I mean
When I name the nameless thing

The crashing waves still call my name
To come and kiss green mermaids
And let them bathe me in their embrace

I find a way to loose the chains
After all the wine will relax my veins
And bring my mind back into my brain

My listlessness turns me to gray
And leaves me here to waste away
Waiting for some sacred stage
Where Gabriel unlocks heaven’s gate
And I cross over into fate
But I’m still stuck in this fucking place

Honey from the Hive

How did you become a prophet?
How did your feet float off it?

What was the way up?
How did you finish the cup?
On and on I look beyond the gray

I've been sweating out
Someone else's doubt
Softness hides inside
I'm looking for a place
Unashamed, unerased
Honey from the hive

What was the way out
I'm looking to drink from the spout
I’m ungrounded, I’m looking for a field to harvest

So I’ve been looking in every door
Cutting to every core
I can’t help believe and that something waits for me

I've been sweating out
Someone else's doubt
Softness hides inside
I'm looking for a place
Unashamed, unerased
Honey from the hive

Something Will Seduce Me

Our followers have departed
Our leader has been martyred
But he said to me
Something will seduce me
And I should follow it into the water

I hang around the temple
I’m hauling bricks for the Tower of Babel
But my dreams are getting stranger
I’m visiting with angels
They’re telling me to take up the mantle

What’s the price I pay to see this through?
What’s the price I pay to see this through?

I’m hitting every ceiling
Of the moments of my meaning
But I’m pregnant with a baby
That one day will reclaim me
I’m clearing out my things

What’s the price I pay to see this through?
What’s the price I pay to see this through?

I’m being lulled into this dream
I’m being pulled into the stream
I will sacrifice

Giving Myself to the Glue

I’m dreaming of becoming new
I’m dreaming of being seduced
You said let everything happen to you
Because in order to gain you gain something to lose

So I’m giving myself
I’m giving myself to glue

I was sucking on an icicle
I was drinking from a thimble
You said the meat was in the middle
But now I’m in act three
And I’m getting hungry

So I’m forgiving myself
For giving myself to leave

I was thinking of running away
I’ve been searching for the thing I should create
Playing it way too safe
Since John the Baptist’s head came in on a plate

But I just can’t waste this
I just can’t wait for the world to change

The Mirror Phase

I've thrown myself at this
What if I lose this?
What will I love?
What will I give at the end?
How many times can I begin?

I was a chosen few
Picked from the blooms
But now I see I’m just like you
Waiting in the back room
Avoiding life until I break through

I’m growing to seed what I’ve sown
Alone
I’m losing my leads as I go
And I know it’s gone

Pull Me Out of the White

My whole life I held
This promise—if I waited
I’d hear the sonnet
Of my longing
My chest would heave
My spine would soften

I’ve been
Listening for a tide
To pull me out of the white
And into purple
Congregated, my family
Sings over me

You will grow to see
Deep unto deep
The fire in the earth
Is spreading to the fields

I heard it from miles and miles away
It made me quake
With love and hate
For this deep

Tired of Art

Hanging on indecision
Hanging by a tiny thread
I want real purpose
I want to deserve this
I want to believe
I want the real thing
I want to give everything I have

I tried to be true
I was trying to be consumed
Metastasize the truth
’Til it’s weaponized to break me through

I’m living in a desperate age
A floodlight in the night demanding day
But I need the darkness
I’m tired of catharsis
I’m tired of art
I’ve read too much Jean-Paul Sartre
I think it’s time to admit I’ve changed

I tried to be true
I was trying be consumed
The spotlight was confused
Or maybe I chose the wrong muse

I became a whore to proclaim
The word of the Lord in search of fame
I was so pornographic
Going down on the mattress
Peddling belief
Trying to get paid for prophecy
Trying to win without admitting I played

Out of Sleep

All that’s left
Is to accept
The fate of an idiot

‘Cause this time
I find it hard to fight
The unbearable light

And I can’t create
Forever from a life of pain
But will I feel the weight?

So I’m trying to reply
To the silent cry
That calls me in the night

So can’t you see
What you expect of me?
To feel what I used to feel?

Do not tell me it doesn’t matter
Do not tell me it’s not important
I slept my sleep I dreamt my dream
But I found a well of water

Now I see
That to come out of sleep
I’ve got to let it all in
I’m being born again

I can’t repent
For both sides of the fence
I found a well of water
I’m being born again

I’m being born again